You dog

In all honesty, you'd be a horrible guard dog. When any cat walks by, you dart off in a chase. As a guard dog, i would need you attention reliably. If this relationship were to be considered, much would have to fall back.

As my guard dog, I would treat you well. Your belly would stay full. Rubs would be regular and thorough. Treks in the wilderness would revive your wild nature.

But I am afraid this is yet only an unrealistic ideal. For everyone knows, you are a wild animal.

Wilderness, my dear, does not mix with lace.